1. |
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The doors of my mind open slightly
When you tie your belt around my neck
Heart pounding breasts pressed glimmering butthole
Begging for your cock
So mental
I love playing hide and seek
In hotel rooms and ugly condos
I hide in the atom of your sweat Ray
So tiny you would think I am a child
Or the taste of a food you used to eat
A collection on your lips of porn
And brain fetish
Some fresh flesh for a nice coat
I wanna be your coat
I wanna be a mountain with olive trees
My breasts the fruits of your obsessions
Burning pieces of brain firing out
Of your ears dead shooting stars
Lost wishes so-called regrets
An explosive explodity
Of semen between my thighs
Slowly dripping
For the whole night
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2. |
Three metal keys
04:31
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There is a child lost at sea
Looking for home and belonging
And water was splashing on our bodies
When we most felt alive and happily naive
The tent is filled with our dreams
Let’s make the time stop so we never
Feel this loss
Give me your pain
Give someone your pain
The last pieces of us are in three metal keys I shall return soon
Farewell to our arms holding each other
To the home we built within our souls
Our hearts will forget each other
They will die in each other
Farewell to us
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3. |
Tears for Ray
03:34
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So many tears for you
In airports, beds, bathrooms, buses
Places flooded with tears for Ray
Your body is printed on mine
I know every centimeter of it
I know where each fits
I remember missing
The roughness of your beard
When you left in Venice
It rains
Even in Venice
It rains in Venice
Sometimes
It rains in Venice
I want to lay in your veins
And sleep in your blood
I’ll never let you
Close my eyes with your lips again
I will look at you forever
I will love you forever
I am yours forever
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4. |
Your dad & I
02:42
|
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|
Did a pregnancy test this morning
That’s it, it’s official now
You’re not gonna give me a child
And I’m relieved I can stop
Hoping for it
Today I learned to meditate
And I thought about teaching Ludo
For when he can’t sleep at night
There are so many things I thought about doing
Yet so few I did
That child was on my mind all the time
Yet where was I when he needed me?
Your dad and I broke up because he is ill
Your dad and I broke up because I was making him angry
Your dad and I broke up because he couldn’t stand watching me grow, and I
couldn’t stand watching him not want to grow
There is no simple way to put it, kiddo
Your dad called me like that a few times too
I hope one day you live a love like ours
I’ll tell you, it’s worth it
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5. |
Cry, my love
06:17
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I am going through grief
The presence of your absence
Gives me vertigo
I hold my drink
I don’t care anymore
About being cute
I hope to stay awake
I don’t wanna go to bed
Alone
And wake up without you on my side
I remember Mustaki telling me
Loneliness is the worst
And I cry from
Losing your warmth
Don't cry my love
Before I put you to bed
You'll see my love
That I tried my best
Trembling hands
Metal-smelling fingers
From the guitar strings
That hit me in a nice way
Let me suffer
Give me the pain I need
So I can heal from the fall
Computer as bandage
Doctor uncover my eyes
I see the back of your head
I feel the weight of your head
It’s resting on my chest
Like a piece of a puzzle
We were what old people
Wanted to put on their walls
Don’t cry, my love
Don't cry my love
Before I put you to bed
You'll see my love
That I tried my best
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6. |
An animal
02:20
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I lay naked in your bed
Look at my own self
An animal that can’t let a word out
You lick me everywhere
Like a dog
Hold my breasts as if they were
The comfort you get from a hug
From relief
I stare at you
Trying to connect
The sensations of my body
To my mind
As if I couldn’t really feel
The wetness of your saliva
I look at my dismembered body
Remind myself
I can move it
I hold the strings of the puppet
You come inside me
I lay naked on the sand
Waiting for the sea level to raise
And take me
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7. |
30
04:49
|
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What am I dreading when I say I am evasive? I am denying my own body constantly. The weight of my breasts is heavy but not as much as the weight of those hands that held them like two precious piles of money. I stare at the scars on my thighs everyday, not being sure if they make me
sincerely happy or horribly ashamed. There is no one brave enough to hear me talk about how I will never turn 30. Expectations are pain and I suffer everyday from those voices crippling into my ear they are hammers hitting my head as if my hair were piano strings. I shall sleep holding both my legs to my chest like the baby in the womb. Can I be the solitary insect that’s been crawling on your counter, given the chance to live and to be accepted?
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8. |
Failure
04:16
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Ray
Why do you leave me
With such a sentiment of failure?
I failed treating your child
Like if it was mine
I failed being part
Of your family
And you
What did you fail?
The greek myths are true,
Hephaestus
The muses
Have existed
In Winter 2018
Parc Extension
Forgive me for being afraid
Of devoting my soul to family
Forgive me for loving you
Forgive me for being 23
Forgive me for being what you envy
Forgive me for craving your words
Forgive me for craving your art
Forgive me, Ray
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9. |
Death to such a love
03:28
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I hurt my neck
From looking up the Ontarian sky
Too long, too late
Sending messages to the stars
Moving lips but no sound
Your gaze at the same tapestry
How I wish I knew
How I wish you knew
The wound is so profound
The void so vivid
A terrible rage
Terrible
Terrible
Death to such a love
The eclipse of all loves
The crystallized weapon
The sublime
The child on the backseat
Asking
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
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10. |
Tyaughton
03:52
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4 km to Mount Solitude
Our feet are sinking deep
In the young flaky snow
On Tyaughton Lake
Following your footsteps
And the hope for understanding
I’ve laid silent
Allowing rivers to flow out of my eyes
My body waits
And my mind asks
Are the tears as big as the emotions
And their flow as fast as
The recognition of failure
The knife-hurting words
Or the flickering light of love
When lovers catch each other’s eyes?
The water falls on both side
Perfectly aligned
To the curves of my cheeks
And the beauty of the shock
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Laurey Montreal, Québec
Overly sentimental woman playing guitar and writing poetry late at night.
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